Wednesday, April 25, 2012


Signs are everywhere.  Sometimes you just have to trust them. 

Last night I sat with my oldest while she struggled to settle in to sleep.  She wasn't quite feeling herself, but at the same time she just couldn't explain what it was that felt funny.  Once Paige snuggled in with me, after a very short conversation she was out cold.

Lying there, wide awake watching my precious princess peacefully dreaming, Holiday Inn popped in my head.  I heard Jim telling Linda how when he can't sleep he "counts his blessings instead of sheep" and falls asleep counting his blessings.  Immediately, I looked back at Paige, then began adding up all I have to be thankful for.

First and foremost, I thought about my beautiful family, Nick and the kids.  Their love is a soft landing to come home to, repelling the sharpness from the harshest of days.  I will always love them to the moon and back more times than I can count.  

In the fifteen years we have been together, Nick and I have never had to endure the kinds of challenges we have over the past year and a half.  However, in facing our detours together, our connection has grown deeper, which I know I didn't think was possible.  As much as I knew in my heart and in our vows that we would be there for each other "for better or worse" actually living through what seems to be the "worse" and still managing to smile with one another at the end of the day makes me realize how lucky we are to be each other's rock.  

Life is about finding happiness in the little moments of the day, which incidentally, is the first thing we ask the kids at the dinner table.  By having to slow down, I have stopped more frequently to see the beauty around me, the poetry of my life, and in doing so, am teaching the girls to do the same.  Even when our days are spent in ways we don't exactly choose, there is always something wonderful about each of them that I take time to stop and acknowledge.  For these oases, I am grateful.

Watching my kids discover the world and unlock their dreams is amazing.  As they forge ahead, I will be lucky to witness and guide them as they breathe life into their passions, giving shape to their visions.  These days, this means I will have a princess veterinarian and a singer/music teacher, so I can get all of my pet care, royal pampering, and concert fun in when I visit my girls.  I won't be surprised if by next week Gwyn changes her mind, deciding to be a dinosaur tamer - that would be about her speed.  To be privy to the innocent imagination of childhood; princesses, fairies, pirates, and Peter Pan makes me smile every day.  Each stage of childhood is so special, I don't want to miss any piece of the puzzle.  This job of a parent is much more tiring and trying at times than I ever imagined, yet at the same time, the most rewarding role I've ever had in my life.

I also frequently think of all the family, friends, and even strangers for their love and kindness they have extended to our family.  We are so blessed to have so many people that care about us.  For those of you that know me, it's tough for me to ask for help, let alone accept it, even if it is really just helping with the big kids while we are at the hospital.  I have been overwhelmed with the amount of you who have offered their time if we ever needed as well as the emails, messages, and calls with support.  While I've said it before, at the end of a difficult or discouraging day I often go back to your words which reassure me Nick and I are not alone in this, that even though we cannot do all we want or even see you, you understand and are still there for us.  In this we are truly blessed.

And of course, I feel extremely blessed by the prayers for Cole.

Every night I think about how fortunate we are.  We may not have everything we may want, but we have almost everything we need.    

Today I passed a sign outside a church that said, "Having trouble sleeping? Try counting your blessings."  Funny, I thought the same thing last night - which compelled me to share with you today.  Sometimes you just have to trust and follow the signs.  

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