Two weeks ago I was writhing in pain in a hospital bed, today I'm snuggled in at home with my family watching the snow flutter softly to the ground. Talk about a big difference!
This Thanksgiving week I can't help but tear up a little when I think about just how much I have to be thankful for. Yes, my life is far from the path Nick and I paved, even further than I expected, but it is blessed.
As we all slow down, gather together, and give thanks, I hope you have the chance to really look around, take it all in. Even if the day is hectic, I'm learning just how important it is to savor the moment for they are fleeting and you just don't know what tomorrow is going to bring no matter how well you plan.
So while Gwyn steals half the olives before dinner, and Paige manages to stealthily hide the cranberries next to her plate, I will be silently thanking God for so much I'm come to take for granted.
Enjoy this week with your families as you give thanks for all of your blessings whatever they may be. Know that I am thankful for each of you, all of your warmth and encouragement gives me so much strength on days when I struggle to stay strong.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Dreams
The last few weeks I've had quite a bit of time to think. My musings keep coming back to dreams.
For as long as I can remember, I've been chasing a dream of some sort or another, making a goal to get there. Some, like being an astronaut, fell away as I changed, while others remained.
I've always believed that no matter what, with hard work you can make all your dreams come true. I'm not sure what that makes me, other than a girl with her head in the clouds.
In my life, I've watched everything I've wanted materialize. I found the love of my life, started a family, had a successful career, and goals to move forward both personally and professionally while surrounded by loving extended family and friends. I've also had to make choices to stop, put things on hold indefinitely, while at the same time redefine and accept myself, including all of what I cannot change despite every fiber in my being wanting to.
When you are holding your dreams in your hands, you never imagine they can slip through your fingers dripping like sand through an hour glass. Each tiny grain that falls elusive, fleeting invisibly, silently before your eyes.
Then again, the ebbs and flows in life are dynamic, so naturally, aren't dreams? Instead of fleeting, they are transforming, shifting as trickles of sweat and tears are added, ready for shaving and sculpting no longer dust to be lost in a gentle breeze, but solid and malleable.
Langston Hughes has been whispering to me the past few weeks, from deferring dreams and holding fast to them, I'm trying. For now, I've opened my eyes, while I have my dreams, the most important are wrapped up in my husband and children who breathe life into my world and really are my dreams come true. For now I want nothing more than to help them find and hold fast to their dreams any way I can.
For as long as I can remember, I've been chasing a dream of some sort or another, making a goal to get there. Some, like being an astronaut, fell away as I changed, while others remained.
I've always believed that no matter what, with hard work you can make all your dreams come true. I'm not sure what that makes me, other than a girl with her head in the clouds.
In my life, I've watched everything I've wanted materialize. I found the love of my life, started a family, had a successful career, and goals to move forward both personally and professionally while surrounded by loving extended family and friends. I've also had to make choices to stop, put things on hold indefinitely, while at the same time redefine and accept myself, including all of what I cannot change despite every fiber in my being wanting to.
When you are holding your dreams in your hands, you never imagine they can slip through your fingers dripping like sand through an hour glass. Each tiny grain that falls elusive, fleeting invisibly, silently before your eyes.
Then again, the ebbs and flows in life are dynamic, so naturally, aren't dreams? Instead of fleeting, they are transforming, shifting as trickles of sweat and tears are added, ready for shaving and sculpting no longer dust to be lost in a gentle breeze, but solid and malleable.
Langston Hughes has been whispering to me the past few weeks, from deferring dreams and holding fast to them, I'm trying. For now, I've opened my eyes, while I have my dreams, the most important are wrapped up in my husband and children who breathe life into my world and really are my dreams come true. For now I want nothing more than to help them find and hold fast to their dreams any way I can.
Fall
While I've updated quite a bit on Facebook, it's been tougher to get here without my laptop.
Cole has been doing wonderfully! He goes for his remicade infusions every eight weeks, and has been taking his various meds without issues, thanks to daddy. Really, we couldn't be more thankful for his progress and current stability in terms of his Crohns.
Meanwhile, we are still waiting for official news about the different studies in Texas. It seems waiting is just our status quo, which honestly, we never imagined would leave us in limbo for so long. So while we wait for the next set of directions, we still just take one day at a time. As simple as it sounds, it's still the best way I've found to wrap my mind around it all when I'm frustrated with the unknown.
As for the rest of us, the girls are doing well in school and very excited for the holidays. We've had a rocky fall, as my own ibd reared its ugly face, and I'm still working to recover from my time in the hospital. We've been lucky to have family and friends do so much to help. Never did I imagine at 36 I'd be struggling to walk up stairs or take a shower. The good news is that each day I am getting stronger, so I can't complain, there are many who have much harder roads.
I do hope to write here more frequently, there just hasn't been much to say. For now, we are doing the best we can, having faith that this journey' s purpose will make sense down the road.
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